Who Are These Guys?

Have you been one of a couple of billion people in the world watching on TV the every four year monthlong snoozefest called the World Cup? You know the soccer tournament being staged in South Africa where scoring in 90 minutes is almost as rare as a 45 day bank loan closing. If you have been watching then you have seen three things and heard one thing.

What you have seen are: superior teams playing inferior opponents, like Brazil v North Korea; tremendously gifted athletes like Kaka of Brazil and Messi of Argentina; and, lastly, those bumbling pitiful referees who hand out yellow cards like candy to belly-flopping kids while missing obvious calls on the biggest of plays.

What you have heard is the constant hum of biblical-sized swarms of African bees circling the stadiums...not really. It sounds like angry hornets or something with a stinger but it is really 80,000 spectators blowing a plastic horn nonstop called a vuvuzela. It's been reported by Wolf Blitzer that when the vuvus are blasted in unison simultaneously in all the stadiums, the space station can hear them.

But this blog really has nothing to do about the players, the teams and the vuvuzelas but has everything to do with the referees and FIFA, the governing body of the World Cup, and their seemingly total cluelessness.

First of all, where did FIFA find these guys, the referees? At the local Home Depot parking lot early in the morning. But their problems aside and there are many, the main officiating issue rests not with the pathetic referees but with FIFA. Who are these FIFA guys? Picture the Dr. Strangelove table assembly or the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain.

There have been more blown calls in this tournament in two weeks than MLB's umpire Jim "I blew a perfect game call" Joyce missed in twenty plus seasons. Why is this the case? Because FIFA in its infinite wisdom refuses to employ instant replay on anything performed on the pitch (field) for the 90 minutes. Because of FIFA's antediluvian mentality, the ill-equipped referees have become THE story in this World Cup and that is not good. It is apparent that FIFA is techno-phobic, tonedeaf or just plain stupid...probably all three. I bet they don't use email.

So we're left with these poor yellow-shirted referees enforcing toothless FIFA rules with no safety net. They run up and down the 110 yard field following a ball being bandied about by 22 players at sometimes warp speed. They see half the action at best. In the goal area, they impersonate Ray Charles. Outraged players get in their faces. Nobody has their back. They are the loneliest men on earth. Even with unemployment high around the world, who would want that job? OK, maybe Rod Blagojevich.

On top of that, ESPN and the talking heads are the referees worst nightmare because they give the billions of fans watching on TV a dozen angles via videotape of how the ref blew it. Video doesn't lie. ESPN rubs it in ad nauseum ad infinitum.

Today's game, England scores a goal against Germany which was disallowed by the ref who was typically late in catching up to the action...breathlessly. The replay clearly showed the ball landing two feet behind the goal line after hitting the cross bar. A goal for England? Not so fast mister. The side judge was summoned for verification, what did he see?...he was no help. He didn't answer. He couldn't hear the question because of the vuvus. Keystone cops redux.

Meanwhile back at FIFA headquarters in Krackpotistan, they defend the overmatched and harassed refs, "FIFA is proud of having good referees, the level of these referees is very high. Nobody can say the credibility of football is, let's say, in doubt." Say what?

Mr. FIFA, football aka soccer is not in doubt but your mishandling of this mess sure is.

The only thing now that can save this World Cup is what most football fans want, that is, an Argentina and Brazil final. Just one thing FIFA, give your refs the night off and have ESPN ref.