How do you solve a problem like Albert?

CAUTION: YOU'RE ENTERING THE NO SPIN BASEBALL ZONE.

To awkwardly borrow from that lively jingle sung by the nuns at the abbey about governess Maria in Sound of Music, how does the DeWitt family-owned St. Louis Cardinals solve a problem like Albert? Cuddly lovable Albert Pujols, "El Hombre", baseball player extraordinaire, a problem? You betcha. Read on.

Albert #5, in the last year of his contract with St. Louis, "locked and loaded" in the above picture, is zeroing in on the richest guaranteed contract in the history of professional sports. How rich? Rumor has it, Albert's camp wants $30million a year for 10 years all of it guaranteed. According to my math, gulp, that is $300 MILLION for a baseball player who will be 41 years old at the end of the new contract. Heck, according to Forbes magazine, the Cardinals as a franchise is worth $488 Million. Now, if those numbers and the divergent emotions involved aren't a problem for the business-minded DeWitts and rabid Cardinal fans everywhere, then I don't know nuttin'.

Allegedly, Albert has given a drop dead date to the Cardinal organization for a new contract extension to be signed, sealed and delivered by next Wednesday, the date Albert arrives at spring training camp in Jupiter, Florida. If the DeWitts don't complete an extension with Albert by then, supposedly, Albert will impose a moratorium on all contract talk until after the season at which time he becomes a free agent and is open to the highest bidder. Oh, by the way, Albert because of his ten years of service in the majors, can veto any trade offers which he said he would do. Talk about hard ball!

But is Albert worth it? In the real world of course not! According to the Post-Dispatch, Albert will make more than 1.3 million working men and women in the St. Louis area. His salary alone eclipses the payroll of many large St. Louis companies. But in the fantasy world of sports he MAYBE worth it. Here are some of Albert's gaudy numbers to consider for his first 10 years as a major leaguer: rookie of the year 2001, 2 time gold glover at 1B, 9 time All Star, NL MVP 3 times, World Series ring 2006, greatest player selected by ESPN in the last decade, career .331 batting average, career slugging .624 average, 408 HR, 1900 hits, 1,230 RBIs, 10th consecutive year of 100 RBIS and over 30 home runs (one of only three in MLB history), leading base stealer for his club and hardly ever strikes out. Whew! I was just getting started.

But does Albert put fannies in the seats, increase ad revenues on TV and sell redbird gear for the DeWitt's which fattens DeWallett's? Well, yes, yes and yes. St. Louis, as a population, is not ranked in top 50 cities in the United States. However, the Albert Pujols-led St. Louis Cardinals, are ranked fourth in MLB attendance at home and on the road behind New York, Philadelphia and Los Angeles. Fans want to see two things at a Cardinal game: a win and Albert...not necessarily in that order.

So what are the DeWitts supposed to do with this elephant in the room? Well first of all, they can curse the ghost of George Steinbrenner. Why? The Boss set the absurd salary ceiling with a $250MILLION contract to Alex Rodriguez that pays A-Rod $27.5M year to wear the Yankee pinstripes. Secondly, they can curse the media who loves Albert's baseball exploits more than the fans do and have deified him to the point that Albert is arguably the greatest player who ever lived. Albert hears all that continuous fawning and says to himself, hmmm... "if all that's true then I should be the highest paid player in the game." Bingo.

So after fighting the windmills of the past ala Don Quixote, the DeWitt's have a huge decision to make. Pay Albert what he wants and retire him as a Cardinal forever alongside Stan "The Man" Musial. By the way, Stan, soon to be feted with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, batted .330 at age 41. Why can't Albert? Or, let Albert walk to New York, Boston or Los Angeles or another divisional competitor (OMG the CUBS!!!). An unenviable ownership position to be in to say the least. What would you do to solve a problem like Albert?



Postscript: I'm typically not a conspiracy theorist but don't the DeWitts live in Cincinnati, a resurgent division rival in the NL Central? Just asking...