Revenge of the Jerks

"Can we all just get along?" Rodney King

Sorry, Rodney, in the case of Tiger Woods and his ex-caddie of 12 years, Stevie Williams, I assure you these two tortured souls will never "get along" any time soon. The two pictures above tell the cover story: the bottom picture was taken in the happy past between the two W's and the top picture is the unhappy present. If looks could kill right? What happened to these two brothers who were so close and now who hold such enmity for one another?

For 12 years, the team of Woods and Williams dominated professional golf. With Stevie on Tiger's bag, Tiger won 13 of his 14 Majors, 64 worldwide tournaments, was the #1 golfer in the world most of the time, was the PGA top money winner for 8 of 12 years and earned over $90million on the golf course alone. Stevie's take for these bountiful years together is reported to be in the $12million range. Not bad dough for a professional caddy. Off the course, their relationship was even tighter. Best friends. Attended each others weddings. Traveled the world together for business and for fun. They had each others backs. Simply, they loved each other.

Suddenly, their friendship imploded. Tiger's early morning escapade with a fire hydrant outside his home in Florida changed not only Tiger's world but all who worked for him and were closest to him. Due to Tiger's public dalliances with blonde big-boobed brainless cocktail waitresses while married to a gorgeous Swede and mother of his two children, he lost the three closest people in his life: his wife Elin of seven years, his swing coach Hank Haney and Stevie Williams. The first two left Tiger voluntarily. In Stevie's case, Tiger dumped him unceremoniously without cause by phone. Predictably, his enabling agent, Mark Steinberg, remained with Tiger...one of the few who did. Tiger was king one day, the next day he was still a king...of jerkdom.

Since Tiger fired Stevie earlier this year, Stevie has taken to the public stage to tell the world how much a true ass Tiger is and in doing so crudely revealed how much of an ass he himself is. Maybe these two were made for each other. The best golfer in the world. The best caddy in the world. A perfect marriage. Setting aside their unique golf talents, what quickly appears is that they are both jerks at their basic core. One is a career philanderer. The other is a career ungrateful schmoe.

Recently, Stevie fortified his lofty position as king fool for the moment by saying of Tiger in front of a large audience that "it is my aim to shove it up his black arsehole." Exactly what he wants to shove did not make much sense but supposedly the "in their cups" audience howled. Tells you what kind of audience that was. Nice, Stevie. You're not only a jerk but a racist. A two for oner.

So, this week the biennial President's Cup takes place in Melbourne, Australia. Americans versus the world (not including Europe). And guess who was reunited on the first tee? As fate would have it, the first day of competition pitted Tiger and Aussie Adam Scott, Stevie's new employer, in the same pairing. Not surprisingly, tension filled the tee and the subsequent holes that first day. To make matters even worse, Scott and his partner thumped Woods and his partner in match play 7 and 6. It was Tiger's worst beat down in his match play career. The elephant on the course, Stevie Williams, glowed at the result. Tiger steamed.

It's fair to speculate that Tiger and Stevie are no longer exchanging Christmas cards. What they are exchanging these days is seen in the above picture taken after Thursday's round. And that doesn't look nice.

Why can't they just get along? Because both of them are jerks. And jerks don't know how to be nice.